*firehazard

Welcome readers to what I hope will be the first of tens of visits to my blog. Since those of you reading probably linked here from Evan’s blog, my introduction will be informal: Hello, I’m Steve. You can quench your thirst for knowledge of me by reading the “about me” page. Unfortunately, there’s nothing there now so you can go here to keep your mind busy until I feel like adding information about me.

I recently moved into a house closer to school. It’s a great house with big rooms and a nice backyard, in a little neighborhood…quite an upgrade from the apartment I lived in for the last year. With such a house comes chores that include cleaning, fixing things, and yard work – specifically cutting the grass. Grass cutting was one of my very first jobs. My brother and I once had a small unofficial business cutting lawns for my grandparents and a couple of their neighbors earning a whopping $80.00 a week (we were in middle school at the time).

Enough about that, let me get back on track…I don’t mind cutting my grass at all. It’s like a little extra workout once a week in the sun. So I had just started mowing the front lawn the other day when I see this young looking guy walking down the street stopping off door-to-door. By the way he was dressed I figured he was one of the city workers who have been trimming the trees in the neighborhood for the past week, so I thought nothing of it. Well, as he got to my house he motioned to me as if asking that I cut off the mower so he could speak to me. I complied and turned my attention to him. Unfortunately, my attention was rewarded, or punished rather, by a horrible odor that accompanied the crooked-toothed man who looked like he had been walking through the neighborhood all day in the 90+ degree heat.

Stinky Man – “Hello, how are you doing today?”

Me – “Hot and tired.”

Stinky – “Can I ask you a question?”

Me – “Well I want to get my lawn cut before the rain co…..”

Stinky – “How many household cleaners do you use?”

No!!!! A door-to-door salesman! I should have known! The pungent odor wasn’t just him…it was the cleaner he had been showing off to people all day, mixed with sweat-stink and general stench of fat man.

Me – “I don’t know, 5?”

Stinky – “Well the average house has up to 20 and those can cost you up to $200-300 a year.

At this point I begin laughing because there’s no way I will every spend that much on cleaning products in a year. The Stinky Man shows me this “revolutionary all-in-one cleaner” that will do any job around the house. He polished one of my tire rims on the car, he cleaned one side of my lawn mower (which is new and still fairly clean anyway), and scrubbed some the dirty grout on the front porch tile. After showing me the true power of the cleaner, he says that I can have a year supply of it for only $69.95! As he’s telling me this, he pulls out his order forms and begins writing an order. I immediately tell him that I’m not buying any today but thank for cleaning my rim, lawnmower, and front porch.

A look of immense frustration set in on Stinky’s face. The next few words out of his mouth were these: “What, you like to be dirty? That’s not really good.”

WHAT?! An insulting salesman…probably not the best approach to push a product. As a matter of fact it’s probably the worst approach aside from pouring the product on me and telling me that I’m guaranteed not to attract dirt for two weeks. I tell the man again that I’m not buying any, ever, and to have good day. He moves on to my neighbor’s house but immediately leaves because their HUGE German Shepard (probably about 120 pounds and stands about 3 feet tall) answered the door.

So I went back to cutting the grass and finished before it started raining. Looking back, the Stinky man did a number of things wrong from the sales perspective.

1. He did not introduce himself at all (hence the reason why I call him Stinky…well, one reason anyway). In order to gain a customer’s trust you should always introduce yourself with at least your first name. Make them feel as though they are your friend.

2. He was utterly disgusting. The man smelled horrid and was dressed as though he had just come back from the gallery at a monster truck rally. The only thing missing was the beer helmet. If you’re going to approach people for sales, make sure you’re approachable. If I don’t want to walk up to you, I definitely don’t want you to walk up to me. The same can be applied to dating…but that’s another article.

3. He insulted the customer. There isn’t more of a deal breaker than insulting the intelligence, cleanliness, or integrity of your customer. Once you’ve insulted your customer, you can kiss any sale, now or in the future, goodbye!

Maybe he was the new guy. I don’t know. But some training is needed in common societal decency before this man will ever make a sale. I recommend following a successful associate or training classes. I don’t know where he could find either of them, so I further recommend simply watching some TV infomercials. Billy Mays can be quite convincing. At least that’s what the 20 gallons of oxi-clean in my garage tell me.

And don’t worry, even the pro himself makes mistakes.

So to that salesman, wherever you are…keep your head and and learn from your mistakes.

Jackass….