*firehazard

As many of you know, the summer Olympics have once again returned to grace the streets of Beijing, China. Or rather, for many of us, our TVs. But graced they are. Once every four years the entire globe comes together to do battle on the playing field in a friendly, yet highly competitive manner, as a display of greater unity within the planet.

However, let me draw your attention back to the a seemingly minute detail…the Olympics are in China! This is a country that is constantly bombarded by political “put-downs” and human rights shakes-of-the-head. Not to mention the fact that any and all of the information coming in or out of China is censored by the communist leadership. If they don’t like – nobody is going to know about it. Poor, sheltered Chinese people.

Not to say that they aren’t great people…I know at least a handful of people who are of Chinese ancestry and they are very nice (and extremely smart!). It’s just a shame that things like simple information sharing or even a simple television show, which we definitely take for granted here, are not even allowed to be viewed in China. Just the other day it was announced by the IOC and the Chinese government that reporters would not have access to what the Chinese government deems “sensitive” websites and information (hmmm…I wonder if the secret to why Americans love Chinese food is one of the blocked sites).

The firm grasp of censorship at its finest. Of course, these are the rules in China, and one must respect them no matter where you come from. However, the original promise straight out of the Chinese government’s mouth was that reporters would have complete, unbarred access to the internet and information. But, I guess they changed their minds….oh well. But while those of you media and news junkies out there are appalled at this idea, I believe China is doing this for one reason and one reason only:

CHINA HAS DRAGONS!!!!

Why does anyone even want to go over there?? This land of the dragon and the home of the fiery breathe; sure, most of the dragons have been tamed and are now street performing slaves….but I fear that these dragons, once a great and powerful force to be reckoned with on the planet, are simply biding their time until they rise again to take control of the world. Just look at them…

And look at this dangerous animal move…

The fools don’t realize that this dance is merely a distraction, an imitation, a lie!!! It is only meant to make them seem happy and content. This beast could surely bite the heads off of at least 15 people before running away.

Now here’s the real dilemma: I fear that this is the moment the dragons have been waiting for…a chance to not only get China’s attention, but the entire world’s. What if the dragons have been waiting for the Olympics to finally come to China in order to take out (like General Tso’s chicken) the world’s best athletes? What a crippling blow that would be to every country, not just physically, but emotionally. The knowledge the best of the best from your country has been eaten with a side of fried rice! Oh what agonizing pain!!!

But that is what they would want. Emotionally scare the rest of the world so that they are too upset to fight back. And once again, dragons will spread their unclipped wings and fly to every corner of the Earth, holding it as their own once again and snacking on humans like spring roles with rice noodles.

We only have one hope…we must enlist the help of the only known man/machine to have ever successfully slain a dragon. This way, if such an uprising occurs, we are ready. Perhaps he can show us exactly how to defeat them.

Megaman can be our savior! So it’s: open your menu; switch to “Q”; jump forward (x13); and just keep shooting it with boomerangs from your arm cannon. All while listening to some hot 80’s style MIDI game music. Surely this is an unbeatable strategy!

Take this to heart and brain people, you don’t want to end up like this guy.

I also suggest some light reading that can be found here. This is list of things you should know for slaying dragons in the video game Runescape. However, I feel that the principles can be carried over into the real dragon world. Also, take a look at “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire”. He manages to successfully go head to head with one mean dragon. I know he had magic on his side, but if the nature of the books holds true and there really “is a little magic in all of us”…we should use it to kill dragons.

Good luck…